google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
