So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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