Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
