i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize