I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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