it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
