I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
