Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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