she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
