Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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