I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
