So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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