Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
