she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
