cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
