You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
