did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
