You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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