Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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