I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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