Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
