You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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