i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
