do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
