It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
