he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
