from now on my penis is your penis
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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