I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so let's talk penis.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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