I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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