I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
