As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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