who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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