Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
