there's paper in my vomit.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
