the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
