So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this beer tastes like vomit already
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize