the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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