drinking out of a sandbucket again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
