sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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