i barfeds in our rink
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
