he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
