so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
