Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
