i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
