I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
