not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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