As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
