R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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