Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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