The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
