you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
