There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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