I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
operation harelip BJ is a go
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I need to align my fucking chakras
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
