my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
