i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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