yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
