I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
