it was like eating out sand paper
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
