I cannot find my penis.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
