I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
