I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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