we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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