I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
