my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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