I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
