it's like iHOP with fire
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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