Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
