How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
