woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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