the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
