And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize