She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
